Dear Self..

Dear Self,

Today you made the decision to drop grad school and really focus on your family. This was NOT an easy decision for you but you came to it after much thought and consideration. Look at your last blog post; the anxiety was already present. AND THEN...the accident happened. Your poor little baby boy was taken by ambulance to the hospital with a bad head wound. Minutes before that you were discussing with a neighbor how you were at a crossroads and waiting for a sign for what to do with your future. Then BAM, your kid was screaming...there was blood... and as you ran to get him you knew Lukas and your two little guys are all that matter. Thats when the game plan changed.

You can do everything but how well can you do everything? When you have so much on your plate it is almost impossible to do it all well. You know you wont let your kids suffer and you know you'll still kick butt at your job and grad school...so what loses out on your attention????
YOU!
You lose out on your health and stress will take over. While I believe you thrive on stress it is also taking a toll on your health (remember the 4 months of bedrest this past year???). If you are not happy with yourself it will also take a toll on your marriage. The next 2 years would have put a burden on Matt and your own health...not a good thing. In addition, you look forward to the days of baseball, soccer, basketball, art school...whatever it is the boys will enjoy...and if you are an administrator you will miss those. You dont want your kids to come home to an empty house or be stuck at before and after school for hours. You had three little ones because you love children, your children. You are a darn good reading specialist and making a major impact on those hormonal non-readers. Stick to what you know, do it well, be the change you want to see. But most of all be an extraordinary mom and wife. Love your kids and your husband...dont take them for granted. 

Yesterday my fortune cookie read...Be happy, stop trying to make happiness! 

Self this is a reminder of how you came to your choice. When you regret it, look back and read this. And remember you are only 28...you have lots ahead of you and time to pursue your career later. For now, BE HAPPY!

Enjoying the Air & Water show...

And here we go again...

....trying to figure out a balance between work and family. I have a major problem and the problem is I LOVE MY JOB and I LOVE MY FAMILY. I want to put every ounce of myself into each of these things and that is absolutely impossible. I just wish there were so many more hours in the day or that Lukas, Jakob and Zackary could hang out in my classroom all day everyday with me! (Future idea for the Kristin Samuels Charter School..onsite staff daycare.)

I was at school all day today LOVING creating Institute Day presentations, letters for my upcoming family literacy nights and lesson planning for my classroom. Each time I looked up at the pictures of my munchkins my heart ached for them but the minute I focused on how to get children to love reading, I was completely lost in my work.

I think this is a battle I will face my entire life. I always find things I love and I put my all into them. One thing I am trying to do this year is leave work at work so when I am home I can completely focus on my kids. So many new things this year to look forward to at work..union rep, family literacy night, coaching cheerleading (say what?), social committee chair and starting my type 75 graduate program...but none of those compare to being the mommy to Luke, Jake and Zack...that is my most important job.

Go Cubs Go!

Matt and I were able to share the special experience of the Chicago Cubs with Lukas and Jakob. It was so memorable. I know it will be one of Lukas' memories but not likely Jakob's. We had a blast sitting in the seats eating peanuts and cotton candy. It was so wonderful sharing in something we both love with our boys. I know we will have many more experiences similar to this and cant wait to share them with all three boys. I so enjoy doing special things with the boys!!